American Idiots

Yesterday, Michael and I were ducking Pearson's radar and trying to avoid having to play basketball with the "Penis Patrol" (Masochists) of our class when Michael noticed the kid sitting a couple yards away was rubbing his new pair of black and pink Adios. They were spot free, of course because god knows you can't get them dirty, and you could tell they had been worshipped since coming out of the box. Michael stated the obvious, telling me that he doubted the kid skateboarded. But to prove his thesis, Michael asked him. Here's a quick sample of the intelligent conversation:

Michael: Hey, do you skateboard?
Kid: Why?
Michael: Just curious. By the way, I like your Adios. So, do you?
Kid: Why do you want to know?
Michael: I don't know... just curious.
Kid: Oh... um.... uh....

And then he left. Without answering our question, the little twit left. Which brings me to the point of this horrible side tracked article: Don't wear the shoes, claim to listen to the music, or claim to be something your not.

I don't know where the hell this whole trend of "I'm a punk!" came from, but it's taking America's over-impressionable youth by storm. I'm guessing it started with the beginning of corporations realizing that they can rape skateboarding (and the culture behind it) for their grubby, greedy needs. First Nike, then cellphones, and soon Verb and other pointless shit that pollutes our airwaves. And that was with skateboarding, but now Avril Laveigne (sic) has decided to drop the bomb shell that "skater bois" listen to punk.

No, we don't mean punk, like the Damned, the Clash, Distillers, or X. No, we mean "Punk!" This "poser Punk" music/fashion trend isn't about rebelling against corporate/conservative America, No! Instead, its about buying into it as much as possible, while still saying your cool and a rebel, because you skated the opposite way at the skating rink. You Punx3rs!

The entire subculture, which I doubt it truly is, should be called "Washed out, Middle Class Kids who are looking for a new way to think, since they are to goddamn air headed to have their own ideas." Maybe that titles to long, but it works. I mean, you see these kids every day, with their Hot Topic shirts (I'm a hypocrite, I own a lot of shirts from there, but thats because that was the only place I could find before Interpunk.com) and they usually adorn themselves in Simple Plan/Good Charlotte/New Found Glory/Corporate whore wrist bands. And that makes me wonder how they can listen to GC or Simple Plan and not get stomach ulcers. Seriously, for those of you who do consider that shit punk.... just listen to it. When the hell was punk about singing for ten year old girls about falling in love and Jr. High romances. This crap isn't fast or heavy. The lyrics aren't good, and the instruments are worse than regular punk. It's all a bunch of upper middle classed kids who never feared that they would be able to go to college, yet alone anything near that. They decided they would mimic new Green Day and call themselves punk. Holy shit, Carson, I think we have a fad. And that brings me to my last point. What the hell happened to Green Day? I mean, back in the Berkeley days (1039, Kerplunk) they were great. And then Dookie came out, and that was decent, and then some filler later and American Idiot comes out. Now, I respect their presidential bashing, but they have become commercial sluts. They sell to any movie soundtrack, commercial, kids show, or learning format they can. We even had some guy come into our school and talk to us (God knows about what) and mention "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" (a song where they sing about how much their rich lives suck).

And that made me think: ten, even five years ago... would they have have mentioned that band? Of course not! You know the whole adult equation:

Punk Means Bad Equation"Punk" rock+long hair+"rebellion"=stoners and bad influences on the country

Even though they weren't "punk," they were a hell of a lot more respectable back then. But Green Day fixed the equation, and is now managing to get mentioned everywhere, for the learning purposes of all. [/sarcasm] So now, the whole equation looks like this:

"Punk Lite" Means Good Equation"Punk (lite)"+short hair+"rebellion against drugs"+a big label contract=fun and friendly music to be misnamed all over the world.

So there you have the great math solutions to all your burning questions. And the next time you see a "Punx Rawker" listening to his painful Simple Plan music, tell him that you appreciate his contribution to the great American capitilism. And then destroy his CD Player.